Psssttt….hey guys… over here.
We need to tell you something. It’s kind of important. PAY ATTENTION. This information could help you get laid.
Oh good, you’re listening now?
Mother’s Day is only a few days away. And guess what? The past year has been an absolute crap show for your wife. She definitely deserves something nice this year. The kid’s have been around - like all the time - for a whole f#$%ing year. Has she even been in the bathroom, ALONE, in the last year?
This Mother’s Day is going to be different….again. There might not be leisurely family-packed brunches (ok, those can be kind of stressful anyway). I doubt your kids are planning anything- I mean, unless they’re grown up, then maybe. But the four year old, he’s busy shoving cheese cubes in her purse.
It’s all on you buddy. But luckily *da da da daaaaaaa* we are here to help! Follow our 5 tips to show your wife what an amazing mother she is (and maybe, just maybe, you’ll get laid).
Disclaimer: Do The Okanagan does not guarantee the event of a sexual encounter or warranty the quality of said interaction. We also think that you should just be a nice thoughtful husband and expect nothing in return because gawdamit she’s earned this. In the event that you do a really great job, your odds of putting her in the mood increase significantly. Good luck to you all!
Give her some alone time.
Plan to take your kids OUT of the house for at least two hours during the day WITHOUT her. Does she absolutely love and adore your children more than anything on the planet? OF COURSE she does. But does she want to have a shower by herself without little hands poking under the door, someone needing to poop and someone else sobbing inconsolably for a snack (because they will die if this doesn’t happen 5 seconds after she gets her hair wet)?
If you want to get real crazy, run her a hot bath before you leave. Toss in some rose petals, light a candle, pour a glass of wine and turn on some music. If she’s currently reading a book, leave it on the counter for her (this is what serious blowie points are made of).
Then get everyone else the f-k out of there. Take the kids for a walk or bike ride (don’t forget to pack them a snack, water, comfortable shoes, a hat, sunscreen, diapers, wipes and spare pants cause you’re not coming back for 2 hours). Here are some hiking games to keep that walk nice and long.
2. Plan dinner AND do the clean up.
Planning what to eat for dinner… feels like a full time job. Also with everyone home All. The. Time. cleaning the kitchen has been like a scene from Groundhog Day - unload the dishwasher, load the mother f-ing dishwasher, wipe the surfaces, sweep the 75% food wastage off the floor, repeat.
Give your wife the night off and plan something for dinner. Take-out counts! Or be creative and get your kids in the kitchen to help make her something special. The weather has been wonderful so it could be as easy as turning on the BBQ.
Just handle it and she will be thrilled!
3. Help your Kids Make Something.
Oh man, does Mom love homemade gifts from their little angels. Seriously. This is the type of stuff even the toughest-seeming moms live for. What we actually love about these gifts of random glitter and glue is the proud little face that delivers it *swoon*.
A few ideas:
a simple card with the kids’ hand prints on it,
make seed bombs for her garden -HOW TO-,
paint some rocks for her flower garden or, if you’re feeling really ambitious
help the kids make her some cookies or cupcakes (but DO NOT leave her with the kitchen mess).
4. Wine….all the wine.
Let’s be honest, she needs it this year. Check out our Liquor Store Wine Grabs for ideas if you want to surprise her with something new - and impress her with your wine savvy knowledge.
5. Grab a local gift.
Not all mom’s want gifts - but wouldn’t it be smart to grab something from your kids, just in case? Local businesses have made it super easy for you this year by putting some fun packages together that you can order online. You don’t even need to leave the house, many will deliver the next day! Check out our Local Mother’s Day Gift Guide for some ideas:
Don’t worry, you’ll totally nail it!
Mother’s Day, not her (possibly her too, maybe, probably not, who knows).
